Well, it is hard to be steadfast on the road to change for the better person . that is a fact, no doubt . i have been through a saying that goes something like this "difficult things are not impossible ." this saying makes me ponder . 

many of us refuse or procrastinate to change for the better just because of we are afraid to face people like family, friends, colleagues and most of all is our own self . why ? we don't want to face the complexity and the difficulties that come along with our changing process . you know, those are also parts of changing as well . brace yourself cause difficult things are not impossible .

The intention to change for the better comes from Allah . Allah wants you to change so don't hesitate to take an action to start changing . don't think too much, just do it . if Allah brings you to it, He is the one who gonna bring you through it . He will show you the way . 

Yes, we all have our own painful dark pasts and stupid mistakes that might be keep on haunting us, that will make us down or make us stop changing . we all have them . how you cope with them is the matter . either those painful pasts can be a catalyst to transform you to become the better version of yourself or vice verse .

Turn back to Allah, move on by repenting sincerely to Allah .  control ourselves as much as we can . it takes time . do it slowly and be consistent . yes, be consistent . Allah don't ask us to change drastically, you may go slowly but He loves who can be consistent . Allah wants ease for us not difficulty . 

You are on a noble path yet with difficult journey dear . gather your strength and keep on walking . If Allah already provided us an open door, then who are we to shut it ? 

I pray for you my dear friend . May Allah grants us strength and surrounded with positive vibes to stand back up when we fall . Ameen .